Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
