Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
