dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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