to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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