I can tuck mytits in my pants
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
