I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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