If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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