You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
