respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
