she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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