did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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