My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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