we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
