smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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