Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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