he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just googled if crying burns calories
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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