Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
