1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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