god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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