Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
