Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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