i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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