Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
