i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
