life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
