They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
