So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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