Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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