We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize