you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
