lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
