i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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