Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
