I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
