Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
