Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
