So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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