I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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