If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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