hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
