Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
