Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
