i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
