Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
