lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
