In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
