I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
