i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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