I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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