We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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