he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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