I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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