Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Everyone says I win the strip club
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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