maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
