My pussy is not your playground.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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