He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You are a genius and a whore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
