I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
