i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
