Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize