My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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