So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
