Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
