We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
