I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize