At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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