I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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