I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
did i walk over a car last night?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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