i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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