You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I lost the right to judge tonight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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