I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
