Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
