At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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