I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
