I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
