I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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