I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
