My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
