The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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