I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize