if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
