I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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