My Higher Power is John Stamos
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
