Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
