he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
