I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
