Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
