there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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