We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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