dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
