I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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