3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
