White coat. Heels.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
