she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
