he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
