How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
