i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
