PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
