Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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