Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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