I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
