So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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