I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
