Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize