Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
