I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
