I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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