Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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