I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
