Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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