Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
